Saturday, January 7, 2012

A Mother's Love

My mother thinks I don't respect her at all. In fact she held up her hand in the shape of a zero as she told me this earlier today.

I suppose it's true that I don't throw as much appreciation and respect her way as I should. Being the perfect daughter would require me to obey every single thing she says, anticipate her needs and take care of them before she asks me to, and make her feel like she's more involved in my life than she is. I'm not the perfect daughter.

But, in a lot of ways my mother is the perfect mother. She's been there for me through thick and thin. She's defended me with a ferocious bite more times than I can count. She gives great advice to me about life (and, on several occasions, to my friends through me), and she supports my dream to be a professional, successful writer. I know a lot of people think these are things all mothers do, but I know that's not really the case.

Mothers don't HAVE to love their children. They don't HAVE to be there for them. They don't HAVE to be beacons of security and voices of reason. They have every opportunity to be selfish, immature blockheads, but the good ones choose to rise above that. I have such a mother.

I think what my problem is, lately, is that I'm super focused on the writing thing. She's the one who gave me the book on how to write a novel in 30 days. In that book it warns that the people who love you most and who share a living space with you will end up resenting you, and nitpicking at little things you are neglecting while you are focusing on this insane little project. I didn't believe them, because my mother is awesome and has the reputation of being infinitely patient with me. I guess I was wrong.

So, today I learned I need to put forth a little more effort to not neglect the everyday things I'm supposed to accomplish. However, I'm sorry mom, but I'll never be the perfect daughter. I just don't have it in me to obey everything you say and read your mind when it comes to what's making you unhappy sometimes. You taught me to be my own person, and that person isn't a carbon copy of you, even though we look a lot a like. But I'll always love you, and I'll always try to be more for you.

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