Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Second Chances and Hot Dogs

I didn't post anything yesterday. That's not because I didn't learn anything, though. I decided to take a break from the computer yesterday. I absolutely refused to type even one word for at least 24 hours. The night before last I wrote over 7000 words in one sitting. And while that gave me a great word cushion for my Nanowrimo challenge, it also made me have to take a breather before attacking it again with full force. So, as an unfortunate byproduct of my day long computer strike, I didn't get yesterday's blog written.

Yesterday's lesson was a rather simple one, but it took a fair amount of confidence on my part to accomplish. There is a man I was supposed to go on a date with the day before NYE, but he had to cancel. I didn't believe he was blowing me off, and I really did think he was going to call back the following week. When I didn't get a call, I started to think, "Okay, well maybe he WAS blowing me off."

So, yesterday, during my computer strike, I texted him. I let him know I don't appreciate being blown off, and if he didn't want to go on a date with me, why did he ask me to in the first place? He responded nearly immediately with an apology. He also had an explanation, which, to him, was kind of embarrassing; therefore I won't mention it here.

I'm not going to lie. In the past I've been very hesitant to ever give out a second chance. I'm one of those who doesn't allow herself to get burned twice. That old saying "Once burnt twice shy" applies here. It's part of a deep seeded defense system that I seem to have very little control over.

There have been times when I have given second chances and I was pleasantly surprised by the outcome. My friend, Lynsey, is one of those. She and I had a huge falling out a few years back. We've gotten back into each other's good graces, though, and we currently have one of the best friendships of my life. She's the kind of friend who calls me out on my bullshit, and I really like that about her. She's been known to tell me that my defensiveness and tendencies to push men away as soon as they hurt me in the slightest is something I need to change about myself.

Where I see it as self-preservation, she says it comes off as bitchy, cold and distant. She knows how to fight this side of me and force her way through my force field, but she says that not many guys will do that if they don't know me well enough.

The lesson yesterday wasn't that this new guy can fight his way through. It wasn't that I can learn how to give a second chance... No, it was that I can recognize the moment in which I have a choice... write the person off completely or CONSIDER the option of giving them a second chance.

Because this guy was honest to a point that it forced him to set aside his pride and be transparent to me, I decided to give him another try. He told me that he really likes a woman who'll call him on his bullshit, and he loved seeing that side of me yesterday. So another thing I learned is standing up for myself doesn't always result in people thinking I'm a bitch. Sometimes it results in people actually forming more respect for me.

Today's lesson is really easy and simple. Today I learned I cannot eat hot dogs unless I want them to start barking as soon as they hit my stomach.

Since before Christmas, but more hardcore since the beginning of the year, I've been eating as much non-processed food as possible. My body has been reacting positively to it. My stepfather made two packages of hot dogs for supper tonight, so I decided to eat a couple of them. Right now my stomach is hating me and attacking me from the inside. Somebody get me a piece of fruit, STAT!

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